Social and political life is a multi-level process of continuous interaction among significant elements of whole bodies politic across permeable borders. We use the human word relationship to capture that dynamic process of continuous interaction.

 

The concept of relationship is both a diagnostic and an operational tool—diagnostic as it helps form a picture of a relationship from the unfolding exchanges in dialogue; operational as it helps us get inside an interaction to change a relationship.

 

Relationships combine five elements. The overall mix—their continuously changing interactions—characterizes a relationship. Changes in any element and changes in the combination of elements help explain why a relationship changes. Each is a point of entry in efforts to change conflictual relationships.

 

Identity. Each party in a relationship is described most simply in terms of physical characteristics—a group’s size, ethnicity, demographic composition, resources. . . . But it is also essential to understand what human experiences have shaped a person’s or a group’s mindset and ways of acting in relationships with others. We often define ourselves in terms of who we are not—parents, enemies. . . .

Interests. We have commonly defined interests in material terms—how much money or property we need, what positions we want to control. . . . But interests are defined in human terms as well. Our need for acceptance, inner security, dignity. . .

Power is defined normally in physical terms—economic resources, military force, institutions controlled—and as one’s ability to force another to do what it does not want to do—power “over.” But citizens without those raw forms of physical power have come together to change the course of events—marches of the civil rights movement, the anti-Vietnam War movement, Wenceslas Square, Solidarity, the “vote no” campaign against Pinochet. Citizens generated power by acting together.

Perceptions, misperceptions, stereotypes familiar to us all often define relationships. Because you have black or white skin, some think that you are likely to act in a predictable way.

Patterns of interaction—confrontational, collaborative, combative, argumentative, problem-solving—become characteristic of any relationship. As we understand identity and interests, we may limit interactions to respect them.

 

Once we analyze interactions between or among groups using such headings, we can actually change interactions through dialogue. Identities don’t change, but respect for another’s identity can become real—no longer mindless hatred fueling deep-rooted conflict. Realization of others’ interests can reveal shared interests. People can see how they need each other to fulfill their own interests. Power over can become power with. Stereotypes fade as people sit together. People stop talking at each other and begin talking with each other to solve a problem and actually learn to work together.